SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
