The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
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