ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
