Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
