the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
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