Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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