I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
