It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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