you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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