I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
