Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize