Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
