And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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