he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
