yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
