i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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