i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
