a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
