my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
