I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
