Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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