I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
