no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
