I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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