At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
