His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Randomize
