ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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