she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
