on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
