You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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