If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
