billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
