Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
