Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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