I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
