I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
