we're blogging at a bar
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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