So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize