she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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