Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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