One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
