I puked a lego.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
