I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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