oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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