Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
