McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
