I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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