So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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