just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
