Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
