dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Are my feet made of real feet?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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