Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize