so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
