Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
