just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
