If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
