i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
