Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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