it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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