She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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