Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
