come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
