one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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