census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
